The Power of Positive Thinking in Child Rearing

Parenting. It's thrilling...and occasionally terrifying. Oh, and sometimes you just want to scream. There are highs and lows, hugs and kisses, kicks and tantrums, smiles and tears, and boo-boos and treats.

The other day, a fellow grocery shopper remarked how lucky I was to have such well behaved kids. Is that it? Do some people have just really good kids and others have just really bad kids? I'm here to tell you, there's no such thing. I can also tell you, the fellow shopper didn't see me correcting the kids just a few aisles down.

While there are many secret ingredients to parenting, there's one I want to elaborate on, and that is the Power Of Positive Thinking!

Amidst all the chaos, maintaining a positive outlook might seem like an impossible dream - especially for those of us who are in the thick of it. But truly, it is one of several secret weapons in your toolbox for child rearing. Not only will it help keep you sane, but it will also work wonders for your little ones.

What on Earth is Positive Thinking?

First of all, positive thinking isn’t about pretending everything is perfect while your toddler draws on the walls with permanent markers. It's not about ignoring the fact that there are problems that need fixed, and wrongs that need righted. Rather, it is a shift in your mindset to focus on the bright side of life, highlighting the solutions instead of problems, and celebrating even the tiniest of victories. It's a bright perspective. For parents, this mindset can be nothing short of miraculous. And truthfully, in order to implement this in your child rearing, I would highly recommend reading Norman Vincent Peale's, "The Power of Positive Thinking" to adopt the mentality yourself so you may then teach it.

Monkey See Monkey Do

Kids are like sponges, soaking up everything around them – including your moods and attitudes. It's science. Children will mimic, parrot, and puppet the examples around them. Are you quick to get angry and yell? Do you grumble and furrow your brows to clean up a mess? Do you roll your eyes? Use profanity? The answer lies in your own children's behavior.

The other day, I caught my son sighing disappointingly about practically nothing. He dropped a toy and almost theatrically let out this big long sigh, then dragged himself out of the chair to retrieve his toy like he was annoyed. I was literally watching a mini me. And he was performing.

There's an old adage "feed a man a fish and his belly will be full, but teach him to fish and his life will be full." In my minds eye, I quite literally picture a man standing there with another fishing. He is not only telling him the design of his fishing pole, how to string his line, cast it, feel for a pull, how to know where the fish are gathering, etc, but he is showing him and doing it himself!

It's not enough to tell your children what to do and how to do it. It is of utmost importance to live that example yourself. If you want different behavior out of your children, you might consider investigating your own.

Respond With Positivity

Now, let's not ignore the fact that we are human, and disruptions of our peace is frustrating. You just cleaned up from a busy morning and sat down for a moment of "aaaaaaahhhh" only to be disturbed by your little one spilling milk on the couch. Positive thinking doesn’t mean ignoring the issue and putting on a smile, then tucking your head under the rug for escape. It still requires problem solving. But how do you handle it? Your response is literally teaching your little one how to respond in such a situation. Is it furrowed brows, harsh words, and agitation? Or do you know that accidents are bound to happen (even as adults!) and you add a little humor with a “Well, the couch got its drink! Now, let’s clean this up and be more careful next time” attitude? This too will reflect in your children if you are responding this way. When kids see you tackling life’s hiccups with humor and optimism, they’ll learn to do the same.

I was out walking the dog last week when I saw a commotion down at the duck pond. A little boy, no bigger than 6 years old, was beyond excited about catching a turtle. As he raced as fast as he could back to a parked car, he was yelling with excitement, "I got one! I caught a turtle! Come here! Come see!" Once he made it to the car, a man who appeared to be his father opened the door to hear what all the ruckus was about. The boy blurted out, "I caught a big-ass turtle!" He stopped for a split second as if he recognized he used a little too much colour in his speech, and then continued with sparkle "I mean a biiiiiiig one!" I giggled and then almost melted when the man reached down to pick him up, giving him a big squeeze saying "that's my boy!" and together ran over to the edge of the pond to see the catch. I'll never know if correction for the potty mouth came later, if the father decided the boy catching himself was good enough, or if the father even cared that his son used it, but how wonderful to see such a positive response to such excitement and a proud moment for the little one!

Raising Emotionally Resilient Tiny Humans

Positive thinking also helps kids build emotional resilience. This resilience is crucial for surviving playground politics and sibling rivalries. Life will not always go the way you want, or even the way you plan. Do we throw tantrums? Do we complain, kick our feet, grumble, and grump about? Are we controlling our tempers and emotions, or allowing them to control our next actions? Encourage your kids to view setbacks and disappointments as opportunities for growth and learning rather than reasons for outbursts. How? By modeling calm and constructive responses to frustration, you show them that it's possible to manage their own emotions effectively. Remind them that while it's okay to feel upset, how they respond to those feelings is what matters.

"Pest" seems to be written into my son's DNA towards his sister. She wants a specific toy and suddenly he wants to play keep-away with it. She wants to sit in a specific spot, and suddenly he wants to occupy it and push her out. So quite naturally, my daughter will fuss and complain and tattle. While correcting my son is first in order, there is also something to teaching my daughter how to respond to someone who's being like this - it won't always be her brother that I can put the ke-bash to. One day, it will be someone at school, or the playground, or even a co-worker. I mean let's face it, we deal with the same stuff even as adults!

Positive thinking and consistent guidance from you as a parent will help your children develop the skills to navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience, turning every potential tantrum and complaint into a teachable moment.

Praise the Effort

It is extremely important to be positive about correction and instruction. Recognize the problem, and present a positive solution. However, positive reinforcement and constructive feedback when a child does something right is equally important. The recognition makes children feel valued and secure and fosters a relationship based on trust, respect, and open communication.

My children are forever struggling to pick up their toys. By this point, I know it is not because they don't know where to put them - I've designated a toybox and different bins for the different types of toys. And it's not because they have so many toys they're just overwhelmed - though sometimes, I am overwhelmed by the amount of toys and I am secretly downsizing here a little and there a little. Shhhhhhhh! But instead, I've decided it is sheer laziness. It's hard work for them to go around the living room and clean up the mess they've made. Now, the desired opposite to that which I want to see in my children is hard work! As an adult, you have discovered that hard work is required for just about everything, isn't it? Hard work is the hinge upon which accomplishment, success, and rewards hang. Try telling that to a couple 3 year olds. But I discovered the answer - and I can't say this loudly enough - is in praising their effort, not just their talents!

When your child cleans up her toys, makes her bed, picks up trash, scores really high on a test at school, you name it, draw attention to the effort: "I'm so proud of how hard you worked on that!" This boosts their self-esteem. You'll see them stand a little taller and beam from their eyes and the corners of their mouth. They'll take pride in their effort. And what's more, they'll want to feel that again! Children yearn to make their parents proud - another rule of science and nature. The pride they felt when you praised their effort just set a bar! So the next task that comes along, you can be sure the same effort, if not more, will be applied.

Coming Full Circle

Incorporating positive thinking into child-rearing isn’t about creating a picture-perfect life. It’s about equipping your children with the tools to navigate life’s rollercoaster with laughter and resilience. One day, your little tot is going to be a full-blown adult living an adult life.

And when that time comes, you may be sitting on the couch, perhaps grumbling about the latest technology that you can’t quite figure out, and your child calmly and collectedly sits beside you, chuckling a bit, and reminds you with that same positive reinforcement you taught her: “Remember, Mom, every mistake is a chance to learn something new. You’ve got this!" It is in that moment you’ll see the fruits of your labor – a capable, positive, and loving individual who knows how to face life’s challenges with grace. And as you watch them at the helm of their own journey, you’ll recognize the circular pattern. Not only have you given them the tools to succeed, but you’ve also instilled in them the importance of passing those tools on and find it coming back to you. It’s a beautiful, hilarious, and heartwarming cycle – one that keeps the spirit of positive thinking alive, generation after generation. When your child gently nudges you to step out of your comfort zone or praises your effort on a tough day, take a moment to bask in the knowledge that you’ve done well. One of the greatest rewards of positive parenting is seeing your teachings reflected back at you, with a little added sparkle from the next generation.